two hundred and fifty...let's try_part II

So, we were talking about self-knowledge. that's a task for a life and I believe I'm sure it has to be taken in a serious manner. "You just have to want honestly to transform youself to live better; then you have to wish knowing better your inner self and want to find what you have to find in your life" (CM, 2010).
If I want and need to do that travel then i must commit myself in a serious manner, not as i have been doing. not playing with time. Time is a precious thing. You wouldn't throw away money why then throw away time.
I will fail a lot of times. I'm failing now. but mostly failing with myself. playing games with myself. although i forget a lot of times, i like myself too much to treat me this way. I want to like me better and I really want to grow in self-knowledge. the problem is the lack of focus and the lack of a defined goal and the presence of too much noise from the exterior. well, we can say the lack of internal focus. and that is an hard task that I haven't been working as seriously as I need to.
I will/ am embarking on that travel for real. not just to show off and to lose myself more and deeper. I want to make myself proud. If i fail I want to know that I fought hard, that I did my best, that I did what I wanted to do. I'm sad that they don't feel proud of me but provably I don't either, which is even sader.
Not being ashamed of who I am. knowing who I am. who the fuck am I? a real diary instead of a fool blog. knowing the rules and playing by the rules if that is what I proposed myself to. Need to take the jump. it's not about staying or going. is how to stay or to go. how to not compromise myself. this is not a egocentric statement. i know it isn't. communication is a field that I have to improve, but I know this statement is not about being selfish.

now, jumping to a different subject and because this is the last post.

Sentir ciume do sucesso é normal
Ter uma cara uma ideia estúpida
Impressa no jornal

Sentir ciume do teu novo visual
Ser fashion victim vender uma imagem
Mesmo que fique mal

Tudo o que dizes é interessante
Ninguém se esquece nem o elefante

Sentir ciume de quem é bestial
Ter ao telefone opinião exclusiva
sobre sexo oral
Sentir ciume sei lá! É fatal
Ter 1 cachet passar um recibo
por ir ao telejornal
Tudo o que pensas é elegante
Tudo o que fazes vende bastante

É dar a cara
está na hora
A vida é cara
Língua de fora
Pintar a cara
Aqui e agora
Tralalarara
Vamos embora

Tudo o que vestes
É elegante
Ninguém se esquece
Nem o elefante

Salta da cama
Vamos embora
Ficou a fama
Vá lá não chora

GNR : Motor
Música: Tóli César Machado
Letra: Rui Reininho
In: "Mosquito", 1998

Living in a small town, your home-town, where you were born and where you grew up, is the same as being famous, except for the perls of being famous. there are people with apparently innate skills that know how to live in this environment. I still don't and worst more often than I should I say what it goes in my mind and I do like privacy. I'm convincing myself that I'm a smart girl. there are also marvelous things, one of which the most valuable is the silence. Enjoy the silence.

For those who didn't understand, this was really the last post.

For my true friends, I wish all the best and that they forgive me for all the shit that I have done to them.

I guess only time can give us the ability to see the essential.
but we live in the present and as for me I will try to take the best of it, even if I'm not always able to. As for me I know I want to live in the present and one day look to the past and realize all the things that i did well, knowing there were other I could have done better.



Thanks to André, one of my precious friends.
and as an homenage to all the people that died in stupid wars.

two hundred and fifty...let's try_part I

Let's try to write something in English that is understandable. Self-knowledge. I did some translation from english to portuguese but from my mother tongue to english seems a harder task.
She says I'm not a dumb person and from times to times I tend to think that but if that assumption is true how could we/I explain my repetead destructive behaviour, my dumb behaviours, which are so many. my lack of consciousness of what I am doing is not the "suitable way" of doing things. that i must be smarter, wiser not so dumb.


Hot Chip - Over And Over
Enviado por EMI_Music. - Veja mais vídeos de musica, em HD!

"Needy Girl" (back to the past...

It's not that she doesn't like you anymore, or as she doesn't need you, she just is really ambivalent and she can't afford needing you. she wants to move on and the past isn't letting her go. She's lost. that's true. but it seems like she isn't doing anything to find her path. that's what it seems. I'm not sure if that's true. she won't tell me anyway as i believe she also doesn't know. She's afraid of not finding her way, a way, so she keeps these thoughts as an excuse. She ain't -yet- a bad girl. she has done some bad stuff. but ain't a bad girl, yet. I don't think she mean it when she says she wants to be a bad girl. but she thinks she has to be some thing. better that be nothing or something undefined. she needs names. she needs to know what to call things. she doesn't want you to like her but she will miss you not liking her. she's ambivalent. I guess most of us are, but many solve that dilemma quickly. she's a needy girl!! and when she's in control she likes to play games.

O Estigma

"O Estigma relacionado com a doença mental provém do medo do desconhecido, dum conjunto de falsas crenças que origina a falta de conhecimento e compreensão.

As doenças mentais devem ser encaradas do mesmo modo como se olha para as doenças físicas. Tal como o cancro e as doenças de coração, sabe-se que muitas doenças mentais têm causas definidas, requerendo cuidados e tratamento. Quando os cuidados e o tratamento são prestados, é de esperar uma melhoria ou recuperação, permitindo às pessoas regressarem à comunidade e retomarem vidas normais.

Infelizmente, os preconceitos impedem que as pessoas, uma vez recuperadas das doenças mentais, consigam dar os passos para reingressar na vida vocacional, familiar e social, com total plenitude. Este obstáculo, vem bloquear os esforços que permitiriam que as suas vidas seguissem cursos tão normais e produtivos quanto possível.

...

Ninguém duvida que há um estigma ligado a quem tenha doença mental. Este estigma ou preconceito isola o indivíduo em relação aos outros, como se fosse uma pessoa marcada pelo passado de doença.

Os preconceitos estigmatizantes são fruto da ignorância e de uma consciência social moralmente negativa. São ainda importantes os obstáculos que os doentes que sofrem ou sofreram de doenças mentais têm de desafiar e ultrapassar, no seu caminho para uma recuperação.


http://www.adeb.pt/sobre_adeb/publicacoes/guias/texto/estigma.htm

"sheltered existence "

some movies were not made to be seen in a laptop. It is a crime to watch them on a laptop. I believe that's the case for "La dolce vita". I'm not going to say much. I'm still seing it and...on a laptop. But when I grow up I want to be just as exuberant as Sylvia!

"Steiner: Don't be like me. Salvation doesn't lie within four walls. I'm too serious to be a dilettante and too much a dabbler to be a professional. Even the most miserable life is better than a sheltered existence in an organized society where everything is calculated and perfected."

La dolce vita (1960)
directed by Frederico Fellini
with...