Passion

this is the e-mail that i didn't wrote to you. you is simply one of my friends. i don't have that much. i'm not complaining. not this time. it is an option. i can't afford much more.

don't wanna loose the focus. not this time.

i always say that i don't know what i want. it's much easier that way. but watching this movie i realized that i know exactly what i want. i don't know if i will fight for it, but i know that's...(stoped thinking, hesitated)...what i want for my life. what i think it's worth live for. passion. not passion as in a man-woman thing -although i would appreciate that too- it is passion for what you do, passion for what you believe. IT IS TO BELIEVE. yeah that's what passion stands for. for me, i mean.

he (Robert Redford), i'm sure is a man of passion. he has to be. otherwise how could he do those great, magnificient, inspiring movies. thank you, RR and to all the people that makes us believe.

so returning to the e-mail that i didn't wrote to you
and making again a space just to say the movie i'm talking about, now; i just saw it now, is "Lions for Lambs".

remembering when i was fighting/ discussing with Joey, about freedom and so on?! that is the kind of passion i am talking about. that was me in my most (almost) pure state. i provably wasn't right about everything. provably there is no right or wrong in those questions. there are convictions, i believe and there should be "hungriness" to no more about what surrounds us, so that our convictions should be based on reality and not on stories or worst than that on whatever makes our life easier.
who the fuck convinced us easy it's better? and i'm sure that's what it feels like because the hard way is never tasty.

it's easy talking, writing in this fucking blog with my warm feet, and no hungry...but what the fuck will we do? what the fuck will i do?

not everything is about war or not. now, that "there is no Bush" is easier to be an american. this are great times to be an american. and i do like the man. i still believe him and he's all handsome and everything...but when the fuck do we "stand up for our rights"; not the fucking right to have a bigger tv.

i used to use as a flag "i don't even never had a car"; but the fuckin truth is that the only reason why i didn't had one was because i couldn't afford it...

i have to work and that's for sure. i can't "afford" (once again) deciding what i "want to do" when i grow up. i'm fuckin thirty. and although i'm not old sometimes we do look so old. worst, sometimes we do feel so old. "yes, we can", maybe we can, but will we?!

but i want to be passionated about life. i definitely want that.
some people love are passion about sciences, others about soccer, and others don't even bother to find out what they are passionated about. well, i don't know when did i loose my track...but i....
...i want to sleep and that's the fucking miserable truth...
-hope i had the gift to inspire. but we sure -it's easier to make me an us- have other gifts; are we taking profit of it? shouldn't we be taking profit of it.
there is no end for this post.